How a Hospice Team Supports Your Whole Family

June 29, 2020

As your family member or loved one grows older, you treasure each moment spent with them. When the time is right for hospice care, you want to find compassionate people to help your loved one cope with illness and feel safe and comfortable. Likewise, you — and each member of your family — deserve the support of a whole team of people to guide you through this challenging time.

Hospice care is not merely a service that helps you and your loved one make the most of your time together. It also offers emotional and spiritual healing for the whole family. Having a hospice care team means your family can lean on the deep compassion and endless support of a group of specialists who will guide you through this journey.

Meet Your PBCH Hospice Care Team—As you prepare to help your loved one transition into hospice care, take comfort in knowing that your family will be supported every step of the way. Your hospice care team is made up of health care experts and compassionate people who can help your loved one feel whole physically, mentally and spiritually. Each person on your hospice team — from doctors to hospice staff to trained volunteers — will work with your family to ensure you are always the leading voice in your loved one’s hospice experience.

Your Loved One’s Primary Caregiver–You may be your loved one’s primary caregiver, or it may be another family member, a loyal friend or a hired caregiver. This person provides necessary daily care to your loved one with the support of the entire hospice care team.

Your Physician–Your doctor has been there with your loved one every step of the way. He or she may continue to do so throughout hospice care, if you so choose. Your loved one’s physician is already intimately familiar with their medical history, which helps them to care for your loved one during hospice, too.

Hospice Physicians/APRNs–Hospice physicians are the compassionate people who coordinate your loved one’s care plan. These doctors work closely with other hospice team members and your loved one’s physician to manage physical symptoms with care.

Hospice Nurses–Hospice nurses coordinate your loved one’s care plan with the physician and the rest of the hospice team. They manage symptoms and pain to ensure that your loved one is as comfortable as possible. Your hospice nurse also educates your family members on the use of medical supplies and equipment, along with how to properly administer medications.

Home Health Aides–If your loved one is seriously ill, even a simple task can become challenging. Home health aides fill an important role by providing personal, in-home care to your loved one. Your aide may help with bathing, grooming, preparing light meals, changing bed linens and bandage changes.

Chaplains–Spiritual caregivers are key parts of your hospice care team and support the traditions and beliefs of all cultures and religions. Your chaplain can discuss spiritual matters, answer questions, pray with you or help meet religious or spiritual obligations. If needed, they can also assist with funeral plans and services.

Social Workers–Depending on your loved one’s needs and concerns, they may want to talk about their priorities, may need help resolving a family or personal conflict, or may need help understanding their illness or health condition. A social worker can help your loved one in each of these areas, as well as help complete advance care planning, connect families to community resources and provide emotional support and counseling for increased emotional comfort.

Brook Rose, Pemi-Baker Hospice Volunteer cooking meals for clients

Trained Volunteers–Specially trained Hospice volunteers may assist with many needs and tasks that make your day just a little bit easier. They can do activities such as run errands, do light housekeeping, provide companionship and play cards or read a book to your loved one. If necessary, volunteers can stay with your loved one, allowing you to take a breather before returning to your loved one’s care.

Bereavement Counselors–When you or another family member needs guidance in navigating grief, even before the loss of a loved one, bereavement counselors are here to help. Important members of your hospice care team, bereavement counselors are available during hospice care and beyond, providing individual and group grief support to your entire family.

Focusing on the Beauty of the Journey–The goal of hospice care is to make the transition through the final stages of a life-limiting or serious health condition more comfortable and peaceful for your loved one — and the whole family. This can be a very challenging and difficult journey for everyone involved. Working as a team with hospice can help comfort your family and allow your loved one to have the peace and dignity they deserve during their most difficult days.

Hospice Care You Can Count On–While your family member or loved one is in hospice, we want you to be able to focus on your loved one and know that you can rely on your Pemi-Baker Community Health hospice team to help with the rest.

Become a Trained Hospice Volunteer—Pemi-Baker Community Health is starting their next 5 week, volunteer training on July 7^th from 4-6pm. Become a trained hospice volunteer from the comfort of your own home. This FREE training will be virtual, by computer. Contact Lauren Bell, SW at: lbell@pbhha.org or call 536-2232 for more details.

~Anna Swanson

Grieving Cut Short-helpful ways to cope with loss during this pandemic

April 7, 2020

As we are enduring this COVID-19 pandemic, a memory from my youth appeared in my mind a few days ago. In 1964, I got my first real job- one that I actually got a paycheck for. I was a sophomore in high school. Minimum wage was $1.00 an hour at that time! I was hired as the “library page” for our village library. Every weekday, after school, I worked for an hour, putting the returned books back on the shelves and relocating the ones that browsers (not yet a computer term) had misplaced. One of the titles that piqued my interest was RATS, LICE AND HISTORY: A Chronicle of Disease, Plagues and Pestilence by Hans Zinsser. It was first published in 1935, so it was probably already thought of as “an old title” by 1964. It was written intelligently and with scientific detail, but its author purposely wrote in a style that could easily be understood by the general public. The book was the eighth best-selling title in non-fiction noted by THE NEW YORK TIMES for 1935. A Wikipedia search will also inform you that several medical professionals credited the work to inspiring them to enter upon their chosen profession. The book focuses on the history of the disease of typhus and its deadly effects. It has been regarded as a biography of an illness. Besides Dr. Zinsser’s work, I was also reminded on Edgar Allen Poe’s THE MASQUE OF THE RED DEATH and Thomas Mann’s DEATH IN VENICE, fictional works that deal with similar phenomena.

We are already feeling the loss our normal routine and activity due to the precautions necessitated by the appearance of this virus. Staying at home is quite the discipline. In my current profession as Hospice Chaplain and Bereavement Counselor, I cannot help but be moved deeply, even to the point of tears, as I watch the nightly news. A nurse in an urban hospital companions a man who is dying and becomes the messenger to his family, assuring them that he died peacefully. They were unable to be with him because of preventative precautions. A prohibition on closeness when closeness is most needed. Bodies are transferred to refrigerated trucks, and I wonder how long it will be before their families can claim them- if that is even a possibility.

Other persons continue to die of other things in this time, but this virus impacts on everyone. Two Sundays ago, the forty-nine year-old middle son of acquaintances of mine died of a cardiac aneurysm. Speaking with his mother, I learned they were permitted only a brief prayer service at an outside shrine on the grounds of their church. Only his parents, his spouse and children, and his two siblings with their spouses and children were present. This very popular, well-loved, and gregarious family are bereft of the very social supports that could help to assuage their sudden and shocking loss. We are all touched by this experience and may very well carry the heaviness of it within ourselves for a long while.

In times when we are deprived of the comfort of social interaction in the face of loss and grief, small things become important. If you have lost someone during this time (whether or not from COVID-19), perhaps these suggestions might help. Create a small sacred space in your home to honor your loved one. If it helps to place a photo of your loved one there, do that. If there are other mementos, use those as well. Use candles safely. Hannaford is still selling flowers- and we can still access food markets. If you have a spiritual practice or a religious tradition, make use of its words and rituals. If your loved one enjoyed music, listen to it. If they delighted in favorite foods, cook a meal to honor their memory. See if you can stream a movie they enjoyed.

If you are staying at home with family members, cherish the intimacy this time can offer you. Reach out to others who knew your loved one- email, texting, phone calls, or FaceTime. If you need comfort and help, ask for it. Make use of what can be available to you now, even in these extraordinary circumstances. Above all, allow yourself your feelings and your expression of them. Tears and groans are perfectly acceptable. I highly recommend (what I call) “therapeutic screams”- inside the car is the best place. Hopefully, we will find a time in our future when what we have not been able to do now will be able to be done later. So many people are assuring us that we will come through this- and we will! By the way, Dr. Zinsser’s book is still available!

~By Guy Tillson, MDiv, MA-Pemi-Baker Community Health Hospice Chaplain & Bereavement Counselor

The Full Impact of Grief

January 16, 2020

The word “bereavement” is something that we normally associate with our experience of the death of someone we have known, loved, and cared for. The word, however, is actually connected with the adjective “bereft” which means “deprived of” or “left without”, so it can actually refer to any experience of loss, whether small or great, temporary or permanent. The great pioneer in the field of death and dying, Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, frequently said, “All of life is loss”. Our experience of life is filled with change and change moves us from various sets of experiences to others.

When I found it needful and helpful for myself to attend a Bereavement Group following the deaths of my father (2011) and my brother (2013), the grief counselor who facilitated the group said, “A loss is any experience of the absence of someone or something that has been a part of your world. That absence has changed your vision and perception of your world as you had known it and your experience of it.”

If you think about that for a bit, we are experiencing loss frequently in our lives on all sorts of levels. These can be seemingly small and temporary. There is a commercial currently running on television of a thirty- or forty-something year old white collar worker (wearing a necktie) probably just ready to leave for work. He is peering at the faucet in his kitchen sink which is NOT running. His exasperated remark is, “THIS isn’t on the schedule!” Maybe to make this more personal, consider your own reaction and behavior when you cannot find your car keys! Relatively small, insignificant, and temporary losses, perhaps- but they alter the individual’s perception of an efficient and smoothly-running world.

When we do endure the death of someone we have loved, or if we are the victim of a crime or a natural disaster, or if we have lost our job, or if we are coming to terms with the loss of our personal powers through illness or aging, we are in a state of bereavement whether we are conscious of it or accepting of it or not. Kubler-Ross also used the word “denial” to describe an experience where we avoid recognizing the loss. It is a way of defending ourselves against our own feelings of powerlessness in not knowing how to handle the change of our world-view. Sadly, many persons decide simply to “Soldier on” or “Return to business as usual”.

After a death, a very common reaction is “It’s all over now. I don’t need to bother with anything more.” But loss has far-reaching effects on our lives, touching on our emotions, our physical health, our material and financial security, our social interactions and relationships with others, our occupational and recreational involvements, and our spirituality or life-direction. These effects can be uncomfortable, stressful, and even debilitating.

Beginning on Monday, February 3, 2020, Pemi-Baker Community Health will be offering a new Bereavement Group series entitled “THE FULL IMPACT OF GRIEF”. Each session will look at a particular aspect of our lives to gain a greater understanding of how our loss has affected that area of our existence. We will explore ways we can process our responses and reactions. The group will meet in the Grady Conference Room at Speare Memorial Hospital, beginning promptly at 12:30pm and concluding by 2:00pm. The group will meet weekly through Monday, March 16, 2020. There is no fee for attendance.

Pemi-Baker Community Health will also be resuming its monthly Drop-In Bereavement Group which meets on the LAST WEDNESDAY of each month in the Main Conference Room at Pemi-Baker’s offices at Boulder Point in Plymouth. This group is less formal with no set curriculum or session topics, though take-home reading materials are made available. The first session of the Drop-In Bereavement group for this new year is on Wednesday, January 29, 2020, beginning promptly at 5:30pm and wrapping up by 7:00pm. Again, there is no fee for attendance.

Both Groups are facilitated by Guy Tillson, MDiv, MA, Bereavement Counselor and Hospice Spiritual Counselor for Pemi-Baker Community Health. He may be contacted at gtillson@pbhha.org or at 603 536-2232, Extension 206, if you have any questions or concerns.

~by Guy Tillson

Grieving In a Season of Celebration

November 6, 2019

Christmas decorations started being displayed in stores as early as August. It’s now autumn, so the awareness that “the holidays” will soon be upon us is unavoidable. Pumpkins sold in October became Halloween Jack-o-lanterns. Pumpkins sold in November will become the fixings for the pies for our Thanksgiving dinner dessert. Some years ago, a now-deceased friend of mine made the comment that “the holidays” were “The Bermuda Triangle of heightened family dysfunction.” Though we’ve usually thought of the holidays as Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year’s; traditions with the winter celebrations of the Solstice, Yule, Hanukkah, and Kwanzaa probably have their own versions of holiday angst.
The Christmas movies that seem to run perpetually on the Hallmark Channel seem to poke at the discomfort of holiday stress with their standard and predictable happy endings. TV series will also portray something of holiday craziness. In 1995, the movie “Home For the Holidays’ unfolded the story of a museum restoration artist flying home for Thanksgiving with her affable parents, an eccentric maiden aunt, a black-sheep-of-the-family gay son, and an embittered sister. The star-studded cast included Holly Hunter, Anne Bancroft, Charles Durning, Geraldine Chaplain, and Robert Downey, Jr. Further back in 1968, there was a cinematic telling of a highly-conflicted medieval Christmas, “The Lion In Winter.” It won Katharine Hepburn her third Academy Award, and its own star-studded cast also featured Peter O’Toole, Anthony Hopkins, and Timothy Dalton. These powerful characters engage in some very brutal backbiting and hostile verbal exchange that is memorable in its cleverness. As entertaining as these portrayals might be, the element of recognition that strikes us is the familiar experience of holiday-related stress.

Lest you think I’m a “Bah! Humbug!” Scrooge-like person, I want to assure you that I normally enjoy the holidays, despite the pressures of preparation and the cranked-up party-going that is a challenge to my normally introverted personality. In my forty-plus years of work in various helping professions, I have noticed that the holidays are sometimes dreaded rather than welcomed by more people than we might imagine. In our own lived real experience, the holidays become even more difficult if we have endured a significant loss. These losses can include the death of someone we have loved, the breakup of a relationship, the loss of employment, relocation, witnessing the debilitating disability of someone we are caring for, or financial or material disaster. It’s not for nothing that Elvis sang of a “Blue Christmas” in his throaty and soulful baritone.

Because the holidays can be especially difficult for persons grieving losses such as those noted above, Pemi-Baker Community Health & Hospice will be offering TWO Monday times to meet with those in need of support throughout the holiday season. The groups will start before Thanksgiving and conclude after New Year’s: November 18 and 25; December 2, 9, 16, 23, and 30, 2019; and, January 6, 2020. The daytime afternoon group (12:30-2pm), will meet in the Grady Conference Room at Speare Memorial Hospital, 16 Hospital Road, Plymouth, NH. The early evening group (5:30-7pm), will gather in the Main Conference Room at Pemi-Baker Community Health, 101 Boulder Point Drive, Suite 3, Plymouth, NH. There is no cost for attendance.

Topics at the sessions will include: emotional self-care during the holiday season; choosing (or NOT choosing) to attend gatherings and celebrations; not feeling like “making merry”; recollections and reminiscences of previous holidays; suggestions for home rituals to remember loved ones; and, entering upon a new year without someone who is no longer present.

The groups will be facilitated by Guy Tillson, MDiv, MA, Bereavement Counselor for Pemi-Baker Community Health. If you have questions about the program or are interested in participating in one of the groups, please contact Guy by email at gtillson@pbhha.org or by phone at (603) 536-2232, Extension 206 so that adequate preparations for the groups can be made.

Please consider donating to Pemi-Baker Community Health as the holidays approach. If you order gifts on line, Amazon will give a percentage of your purchases directly to Pemi-Baker Community health by using Amazon Smile. Visit www.smile.amazon.com and choose Pemi-Baker Community Health. Giving Tuesday, December 3rd, is the Tuesday after Thanksgiving and is a movement to create an international day of charitable giving at the beginning of the Christmas and holiday season. Visit our website to give: www.pbhha.org. Thank you from the team at Pemi-Baker!

~By Guy Tillson, MDiv, MA